What To Do About Mean Girls In 1st Grade?
My 7 year old daughter is in 1st grade. There are 2 other 1st grade girls that ride the bus with her, who have been very mean to her lately. I think it’s jealousy, but a 7 year old doesn’t understand that. At the bus stop (I’m always there with her), they completely ignore her when she tries to talk to them. For example, my daughter asked one of them if she could have one of the press on tattoos the little girl was handing out, and the girl rolled her eyes and ignored my daughter. That same morning, they were being so mean on the bus, my daughter started crying. When the 2 of them are not together, they want to play with my daughter, and she feels they are her friends. I tried to explain to her that she doesn’t need friends like that and I don’t want her playing with them. That really upset her because I have always said I will not choose her friends. My daughter does not have a mean bone in her body. I don’t know how to handle this. It hurts ME to see my daughter being hurt.
I went thru the same thing last year with my 8 year old. It probably upset me as much as it upset her.
I would try talking to the parent as a last resort, unless the problems were physical or if they tore something up/ruined something that belonged to my daughter. What parent wants to hear their kids is a rotten bully? I would want to know (if someone was tactful) but most people are not like that, though.
Try talking to the bus driver at a convenient time. Give him/her a note and ask him to call you when it’s convenient. That way, the girls won’t think your dauther “tattled” on them. That will make it worse. Express your concern to the bus drive and see if he can keep an eye on things-he probably does not know it’s going on. The bus driver could assign seats where they are not sitting anywhere together.
Talk to the principal at school. The school counselor could get involved and talk to the girls separately. The counselor could talk to the parents, if necessary.
When there’s an odd number, there are always problems. Someone always gets their feelings hurt or feels left out. I would tell my daughter Annie and Josie are not your friends-they are only pretending to be your friends because they don’t like playing by themselves–they are mean and nasty. I went on to tell her that she should not play with them because they are only using her and they don’t deserve her as a friend. I told my daughter that Annie and Josie were only happy when they were able to make someone else sad and real friends don’t want their friends to feel bad. I told her to completely ignore them and act like it doesnt bother her. I also told my daughter that it would be worse if she started crying–they would just be meaner–because they were getting their way, by making her sad.
This year is much better. Annie and Josie only have each other as friends while my daughter has about a dozen “best friends”. When either Annie or Josie is absent, the other one has no one. They have occasionally asked my daughter to play and she told them no, because they were mean and left her out last year, so they have what they deserve. I know it sounds way harsh, but with kids, you can’t beat around the bush and your first priority should be your own kids. You dont want your kid hurting others, but you also don’t want your kid being hurt and taking crap off others.
Finally, as to the tattoo incident. I would have said “Annie, Sara asked you for a tattoo, are you going to give her one?”. I think you have every right to say something like that. You are, in a subtle way, letting her know that you know how she is. Most kids will have given up the tattoo. At least your daughter wouldn’t have been left out.
Good luck.
Set a meeting with the school teacher first and try to resolve the problem, talking to the parents would not help, if someone came and complained that my daughter doesn’t want to be friends with theirs out of defense I would say its up to my daughter to like or dislike whom ever she wants. ( I would talk to my daughter and find out why she feels this way but in front of the complaining parent I would be very defensive)
Then try to invite those girls to your house for a little tea party or something, see what they are like, maybe it better that your daughter not be friend with them, or then you could have solid facts when speaking with parents.
Try those idea’s first, if it doesn’t work then set a meeting with parents through the school director.
Good Luck and God Bless
Ouch. My goodness they start younger and younger. It sounds like your best bet is to steer your daughter toward a new friend. Is your daughter involved in dance, cheering, softball, soccer, etc? Perhaps getting her involved with a group outside her circle at school would help. My daughter went through the same thing, but not until about age 9 or 10. Girls can be so mean. I remember crying for her. It is so hard to explain to a child so young why her “friend” would be so unkind. I finally got my child involved with rodeo at the age of 9. She made friends that she still has at 19. Good luck and so sorry your daughter is being introduced to such a harsh reality at such a tender age.
Just tell your daughter that she can’t be friends with everyone, and if the girls don’t want anything to do with your daughter then to leave them alone altogether.
Sadly, I have found the same thing occurs in my girls school. 1st grade is early from my experience, but grades 3 through 8 are the worst in terms of girls being catty. Boys might beat somebody up one day, but the harassment is usually short lived.
Wow, kids are so mean! If it were me, I would have my daughter start making new friends. Treat me how you want to be treated, right! Tell her to ignore them, tell her not to pay any attention to them when the other one is not around. I know this is easier said than done but if she has other friends then it will be easier. You are there at the bus stop with her so you should say something to them. Tell them you know there moms (even if you dont) and you will talk to them if things dont change. This is a tough situation and I hope you can overcome it. Good luck!
KIDS R CRUEL AT THE AGE….IF U ASK ME ITS THE PARENTS FAULT.TRY TALKING TO THEIR PARENTS ABOUT IT.TELL UR DAUGHTER TO FIND OTHER FRIENDS WHO WILL TREAT HER THE SAME ALL THE TIME.I KNOW ITS HURTFUL TO WATCH.LET HER KNOW SHES THE BETTER PERSON FOR IGNORING THEM AND MAYBE OTHERS WILL FOLLOW HER:)
I would say that it is not a bad thing for you to choose her friends at appropriate times. If she is coming home crying then the best thing to do is to tell her that she is better off without them, and unless you know the parents well, sometimes even talking to the parents wont do anything to help it. Because the fact of the matter is that most kids show traits of their parents, so talking to the parents of the two girls maybe wouldnt be the best thing wither though. The other option was talking ot the school but for instance, the bus stop sutiuation they will jsut tell you that they cant do anything about it, because if it doesnt happen on school grounds it is not their problem. Sounds stupid i know but that is exactly what they will tell you. My advice is just to tell her that she should igrnore them. I know telling a younger kid that doesnt always help, but if she shows them that they arnt bugging her they will realize that she isnt an easy target anymore. Also, i know it is a sacrifice but i would say not to let her even h ang out with those girls one on one, because if they are betrayign her, or backstabbing her, she doesnt need them people around.
It does hurt. My daughter went through this and shes in kindergarten. I think you just have to let them figure it out for themselves. Listen to your daughter if she wants to talk about it. And encourage her to make other friends!
The reason I say they need to figure it out is because girls are nasty. And it only gets worse as they get older. If they are beign mean in school encorage her to report it as bullying is against school policy.
You should talk to your daughter’s school, or even the parents of the 2 girls.
I hate to say this but your daughter will have to deal with people liking her and not liking her. I would call the little girls’ parents and see if they might have a good answer for the way their child is treating your child. The issue could be rectified by the girls just getting to know each other in a different atmosphere. Suggest this to the parents of the other two girls.
Your project will be to teach her to love herself and to develop her own special identity. It is sad that some children, particularly girls, learn to be mean at such an early age. I could tell a million stories about my own experiences with them from childhood. Instill confidence in her and teach her that there are nice people in the world, so that she does not retreat into a shell with the belief that all girls are mean. Teach her to be self-sufficient and not to be a follower. She will have to learn to be strong and it’s not too early to learn. If possible, meet with the other mothers and explain the situation. Plan an even at your house and invite the other girls. See if familiarity will foster a better relationship between them.
If they are in the same class at school I would speak to the teacher about it, even though the behavior may not be occuring in the classroom. The teacher should do some activity to help kids avoid the bullying.
If not in the same class, then talk to the principal or school counselor. My daughter’s school has a part-time social worker.
But ultimately, your daughter is going to need some friends of her own. You need to find out from her which other girls in her class are nice to her, and invite them over to play, and hope that some of them become her friends. With a few real friends, she will be able to survive the inevitable mean girls.
To the mom whose daughter had become mean to another girl, you really need to nip this in the bud. I would have a talk with her and try to get her to remember how she felt when kids were being mean to her, and then get serious about not letting her do it. If you witness her being mean or bullying another child, take away some allowance, tv time, privilege, something so she realizes what she’s doing is not appropriate. If she’s just ignoring the other girl or not wanting to play with her, but not actually being mean about it, then don’t punish her but try to get her to see how the other girl feels. “You don’t have to like everybody, but you do have to be polite to them” that’s our motto.
My daughter went throught the same thing, I told my daughter to completely ignore them, and when one approached her without the other, to ignore her, and tell her she’s to busy to play with them. Eventually that worked and now my daughter who is in 8th grade still does the same thing. but it does get worse as they get older.
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i have made a major mistake by telling my daughter to be mean back. now i am at the opposite end of this story my 7 year old is mean to a little girl that really wants to be her friend. now i really don’t know how to handle this.